How to Fire a Friend or Family Member
As a leader, one of the most difficult things to do is to release someone from employment. Whether it’s a for cause action or a no-hard-feelings-reduction-in-force, it can create sleepless nights and significant stress for all involved.
This can be especially difficult in small organizations and family businesses where close relationships are common and organizational lines are blurred as the team works together to get things done. The emotions involved in firing a friend or a relative can be debilitating. While never easy, there are steps to take to make the process less emotional. They may even improve the chances of saving the personal relationship.
Small Business Breeds Familiarity
I have a relative who rose to corporate prominence as the CEO of a large railroad company in the 70s and 80s. His philosophy of leadership has always centered on the old adage “familiarity breeds contempt.” His strategy for emotion-free termination was to meticulously avoid friendly relationships with employees. While a bit old-fashioned, I suppose, I agree that a healthy distance should be maintained between supervisor and employee to ensure professionalism and avoid favoritism. In fact, it cannot be denied that his approach served him well in the rough-and-tumble world of large railroad and steel companies. However, in a small organization where family members, partners, or friends are involved, familiarity is unavoidable.
Preparation Is the Key
As I coach executives and train leaders on the principles of leadership and supervision, I focus on three things that can make the prospect of firing a friend, or anyone, less frightening. Of course, it’s important to remember that any termination should be considered only after appropriate counseling and corrective action is taken, to ensure that actions are fair and equitable.
First, be open about the future and the reality of potential workforce impacts. Good leaders keep employees informed about business challenges, goals, and risks. Sharing the financial picture your company is facing allows you to honestly discuss the cost of labor and the potential need for reductions in the future. This openness in advance reduces the shock factor of a reduction, and will neutralize some of the emotion so common when job loss occurs suddenly.
Second, communicate clear accountability and measures of success. The more complex a business, the more necessary it is to ensure that each associate is clear on what is expected and what successful completion looks like. All too often, it is assumed that people know what they are accountable for delivering, when in fact they do not. If accountability is clear, an employee will never be surprised when the time comes for that uncomfortable discussion. Even with a friend or relative, the decision to separate can actually reach the level of “it’s just business.” The decision will be based on bad job fit or failure to deliver on key accountabilities, rather than on emotion or subjective reasoning.
Third, be dedicated to performance management, even with friends and partners. Leaders should establish a culture of frequent feedback that doesn’t wait for the annual performance evaluation meeting. Having timely, frequent, and courteous discussions to review performance against expectations should be a common occurrence. Performance discussions are most uncomfortable when bad news is unexpected, general in nature, or months after the fact. If your friend or relative is not performing well, he or she should know it and not be surprised when the difficult decision comes to separate, demote, or reassign. Most importantly, you will not be accused of making an arbitrary decision.
No one wants to face the prospect of firing a relative or friend. The question is how to do it and have the best chance to save the relationship. Although it is always best to maintain a healthy level of professionalism between managers and employees, the reality of close knit companies makes it impossible to avoid familiarity entirely. Leaders must ensure that those familiar relationships are governed by an honesty regarding business challenges, a no-nonsense approach to setting expectations, and frequent fact-based discussions about performance. By focusing on these elements while giving every chance to improve, even a friend or family member will understand and respect your decision, and move on with dignity.